An open letter to the wing-nuts

Dear American Wing-nuts,

Pray, enlighten me: when did Australia become a U.S. state? Was it right after Canada was annexed*? Because apparently I missed it.

Look, I realize that you're genetically programmed** to respond to any criticism of the United States or anything that you think threatens the pocketbooks of big businesswar effort, but you might want to try thinking a little about the stupidity of calls to prosecute Julian Assange for treason.

You see, to commit treason, you have to actually be a citizen of the country you're working against.*** I realize this is hard for you to grasp, but not everyone is a citizen of the United States. Assange is an Australian citizen. It is impossible for him to commit treason against the United States.

I'm not going to argue about the rightness or wrongness of Assange's acts. I don't care whether you think he was right or wrong. That's not the issue. The issue is: you're a bunch of morons who don't understand that citizens in other countries aren't bound by the laws of the United States.

Happy holidays!****

Love,

Me

* Note for the easily confused: this hasn't happened. If it had, you'd have better health insurance. And nicer neighbors.
** Well, probably just stupid and/or reflexive, but I'm trying to be nice here. Only not really.
*** This presupposes it's fair to say Assange is 'working against' the U.S., but I didn't want to complicate this too much by getting into that argument.
**** You should probably see a doctor about that blood pressure spike you have whenever someone says that.